Remind me…what are you doing?
Well, I wanted to get some of my addictions under control. I use caffeine and sugar quite a bit to make it through the work day, and then wind up needing sleep meds to sleep at night. I want to get this under control. As much as I love my morning coffee, I drink too much of it throughout the day just to keep up the energy to do what needs to be done.
The sugar is all about eating my feelings. It gives me a nice hit, and I feel better. But it’s killing me. So that needs to stop.
My hope is that my sleep and mood will improve. Because right now, at the end of a day, I’m am completely exhausted, crashing from both of my drugs of choice.
Ok…I follow. So why did you shave your entire head? Beard and all?
I needed a fresh start. I needed a change. See…when I peel away my additions, I’m going to wind up delving in to the things driving them…my career, my lack of self-care, etc. I use my addictions to cover up a LOT of emotions. I realize that this is pulling the thread which ultimately, if I don;t give up, will lead me to the life I want to have.
And lest you think I am blaming the World for making life hard, no…that’s not it. I am an extremely fortunate man. I got me a backpack or two full of privilege. I’m not happy with the way in which I live my life at times. I want to correct that. Peeling away the numbness that my addictions allow me will force me to deal with some of the things I’ve been putting off for a long time.
I wanted to mark this point in time. I made a vow to myself, and I wanted some way to make it real in a way that I can see it every day. It is a largely symbolic gesture, but as I get older, this symbolic gestures have more meaning to me than before. I want to embrace that and honor that part of myself. It’s a part of me that does not get a lot of air time as I slog away in the business world.
Ok. I get that. So what’s next?
I’m going to keep writing here. I’m a little concerned about the caffeine headache I will get later today. And giving up sugar is going to be HARD. Today, I’m just buckling in for the ride. One day at a time.