Categories
At Home Life

The Winter of Our Discontent

The wheels began to fall off somewhere around Thanksgiving, if memory serves. Omicron had just made it’s debut and people were starting to have second thoughts bout the upcoming holiday parties they’d been invited to. I was no different. The further we got into December, the less I looked forward to holidays. Actually, it’s more complex than that. I held out come for a normal holiday season full of family, but each day the news of the virus seemed to make it less and less likely.

On 12/14, we were all ready to gather with friends and family.

On 12/20, we were still hopeful.

On 12/22, everyone was sick with something. Some tested positive for Covid, others the flu. Christmas, with all families was cancelled. Very, very disappointing.

By 12/24, we’d noticed a cough that I’d had for a while was getting worse. I started to have aches and such. On 12/28, when the full body rash came, it was time to get tested for Covid.

Negative.

What? Ok. Sure.

On 12/30, the ER trip happened. 1am, rushed in. Not Covid, they said. Not the flu. Not RSV. None of the above.

It was pneumonia. And I’d had it for a while. Based on conversations with the doctors, looking at the severity, and guaging my own health, I’d likely had some form of it since October.

It was bad. Put me flat on my back for almost two weeks. Antibiotics, steroids. Coughed so hard I managed to throw my back out (which I have a PT appointment for later today. FML.)

I’m almost over the pneumonia now. Cough is lingering. But I’m well and truly over being sick. It’s been a long time, and I’d like to be well again.


During this time, my body and I have been having a conversation. It’s gone something like this:

Me: Ok, body, what lesson are you trying to teach me here?

Body: You don’t know how to rest. Your mind is running the show and it needs to stop. Your expectations of yourself are totally out of whack.

Me: But I WAS resting!

Body: No. The second you retired you built a work day for yourself complete with new anxieties and stress to replace the old. Dummy. So I pulled the emergency brake.

Me: You did, at that.

Body: Now you HAVE to rest. You HAVE to reset. YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO OVEREXTEND YOURSELF.

Me: Hold my beer.

Body: Oh no. No beer. Yoou think you can get around the pneumonia? COUUGHCOUGH CRACK

Me: OMGWTF?

Body: Now your back is done. You cant do anything by lie down without pain. Go. Meditate on this truth while you rest.

Me: Damn it.


And so, PT later today, if they plow the roads.

Because I coughed too much.

Good grief.

Categories
Marillion/Fish Project

Magdalene

Created with Wombo Dream, based on a lyric by Marillion.

Categories
Marillion/Fish Project

Sugar Mice

Two Sugar Mice in the Rain

Created with Wombo Dream, based on a lyric by Marillion.

Categories
Marillion/Fish Project

15 Stone

15 Stone

Created with Wombo Dream, based on a lyric by Marillion.

Categories
Marillion/Fish Project

Vigil in a Wilderness of Mirrors

Created with Wombo Dream, based on a lyric by Fish.

Categories
Poems

Quake

a poem about how I experience an anxiety attack

It starts small, with a feeling
The animal notices it first
The unsettled heart
The shifting of the self
Then the rumble
And something falls
Shattering with a crash
The moment has passed but the expectation remains
Waiting for the next crash
Waiting for the quake
When it all comes
Tumbling down

And then the running,
Get out get out before the house falls on you
Get in your car, drive far far away
Until you cannot feel it chasing you

Maybe you lost it
Maybe you outpaced the aftershock
Maybe
But maybe not

Categories
Marillion/Fish Project

Freaks

All The Best Freaks Are Here
All the best freaks are here

Created with Wombo Dream, based on a lyric by Marillion.

Categories
Life

Unsubscribe Day

Public Service Announcement: Friday is Unsubscribe Day! Huzzah!

On (and the week leading up to) Black Friday, marketers that desperately want you to buy stuff, many you could not give a shit about, will bombard your mailbox with offers. This is a tremendous opportunity to clear out all these unwanted bottom-feeders in one swell foop. UNSUBSCRIBE! UNSUBSCRIBE!

In our house, we started this a few years ago, and our email boxes are happier for it. You’ll get all of these emails all at once, and while you scan them, unsubscribe to the ones that have no value to you.

Watching the game? UNSUBSCRIBE!

Chilling before leftovers? UNSUBSCRIBE!

YAY!

P.S: There is a second piece to this: some of your favorite independent creators will reach out to you as well. Go buy stuff from them. Put your money where your heart is.

Categories
At Home

Hello World #1

Hello world.

Probably about time for an update.

At this point, I’ve been gainfully retired for about five weeks. In that time, I’ve only sat at a computer to play games.

Mostly.

There was six hours about two weeks ago where I sat and tried to troubleshoot the problem with a Raspberry Pi appliance I’ve been running. After six hours, I sat up, reminded myself that I had better things to do, and haven’t touched it since.

That was liberating. Haven’t worked on any technical stuff since.

What have I been doing?

Categories
At Home Food

Week Three

So far my favorite thing about this retirement thing is having time to cook decent meals for my family. Nothing too fancy yet (though I do have some fun cookbooks I want to dig into) but solid all-day soups and stews are my favorite. It’s great that the house smells like good food instead of Doorfash and exhausted frustration.

Speaking of negative vibes, on Samhain (that’s Halloween to you mundanes), I dated the house from top to bottom. Cat required a little more than incense to get rid of the negativity, so she and our friend Amanda ran about three house banging pots and pans and shouting at the negative spirits to Get Out. We all felt better afterwords.

It wasn’t until 10/31 that I felt like I’d several all my ties to my old career. For the intervening time, I had the dread that I was only on vacation and would need to go back. Something about changing from October to November cleared that up, and I feel more free than I have in years.

Planning. Planning is a thing I haven’t done for real in years. Planning meals, schedules, days out, fun stuff…none of that happened. Reason is that between working in tech and being a single dad for many years, no plan ever survived contact with reality. So why plan? Why open yourself up to disappointment?

That’s slowly changing. I’ll admit, I’m still working through a lot of stuff (and will be for a while), but if I want to take my laptop and go work on the household budget…or even just Go Out for a few hours and just be in the world, that feels much more possible now.

Otherwise, I’m reworking the inventory of my coffee business, slowly working through the backlog of home projects I’ve been meaning to get to for years, and READING. It turns out when work isn’t pinging you 24/7, you can concentrate for long periods at a stretch. Who knew?